Total Dismay

I just finished reading a concise article about how to increase search engine traffic. I have been doing it all wrong. My strategy has always been to mention lots of celebrities like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and hope for a perfect storm where they all start walking around in public without all their clothes on. Now that that has happened, my web traffic has increased, but it is still very sad. Apparently, peppering your site with relevant keywords is only step one of e three step process. Getting sites with high page rank to link back to your site is an important way to increase traffic. I inadvertantly did this once by writing a post about Adam Duritz and putting a picture of Kevin Smith wearing a Sideshow Bob-like wig with it. The traffic came from Adam’s huge fan forum. I actually think most of the hits were from Adam himself. He is very self-absorbed.

It all makes sense now. The repeated publication of Britney’s pubic area was starting to make me question her virtue. It turns out that she had simply run out of undies. This doesn’t quite explain why she has been out on the town nearly every night. You can buy underwear online. Maybe Britney avoids the internet because she’s afraid she will find out that the reason she ran out of panties is because Kevin accidentally packed them when he was leaving and that he is trying to sell them on eBay. Pictured below is the big white dot that Perez likes to put over Britney’s stuff:

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Paris Hilton was supposedly caught on video tape bad mouthing two black guys who had just been politely talking to her about the fashion business.  She used a word that I won’t use here because I like having advertisements and such.  This happened in 2004, the pre-YouTube era.  The tape has never been broadcast and it’s possible that no copies exist.  There is a complicated situation involving pornography, blackmail, kidnapping, assault, all kinds of stuff; nobody ever really focused on the racism of Paris Hilton.  It would seem that all she lost as a result of the brief bit of press about it was her friendship with the daughter of Lionel Richie.

Michael Richards used the same word, several times, after two black guys were impolite to him during his standup comedy routine.  In the era of video phones and YouTube, millions of people got to witness his act of rage.  He is in a lot of trouble.  The people he spent years working with stand to lose a lot of revenue from lost DVD sales of Seinfeld.

Comparing the circumstances of the two similar incidents doesn’t account for the different outcomes.  I can only conclude that the action is more offensive coming from a man than from a woman.

Snoop Dogg is the real winner in this, almost nobody is paying any attention to where his life is going.

In a lot of ways, attending a wedding is a chore. It’s a well timed perk when you take a seat at the reception dinner and there it some small gift waiting for you at your table. Given the number of weddings each of us are likely to attend, we start to get a little jaded about engraved champagne glasses. I had an awkward moment once when my recently divorced cousin stopped by to visit. When I was making coffee, I noticed that the glass the I got from her on her Big Day was on my kitchen windowsill filled with a plant cutting and some rooting hormone solution.

Pamela Anderson’s wedding featured a bottle is whiskey at every table. I do not recommend this for anyone. Tom and Katie supposedly gave out Chrome Hearts sunglasses worth over $1,000 a piece.

But I digress…what people want these days is something unique. The things I remember were basic but cute. A bag of gourmet jelly beans provided both nourishment and entertainment when a meal was late in coming. A coffee cup with a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans at every place setting had everyone buzzing. If things look nice enough that people are in doubt about whether or not they are for them to keep, that means it’s a good gift. Let them know with an attached thank you note.
With the Unique Wedding Favors at MyWeddingFavors.com, you have a wide range of choices, from the very perconalized photo glass coaster to the more conventional gifts like this heart bottle stopper. Coasters can function as place holders, You can use them to frame whatever you want during the event, then your guests can take them home and use them to frame whatever they want.
If you are having a wedding or reception at an unconventional location, your gift can tie in to that with beach themes, golf themes, and of course gifts tied to the seasons.