Total Dismay

I was given a heads up about a worthy charity by Owen. He is one of the real people on my much neglected blog roll.

Playgrounds for Palestine UK is pretty self explanatory. It seems like childhood is always a casualty of conflict. Playgrounds for Palestine UK wants to build playgrounds for kids living under occupation and in refugee camps in Palestine.

An ex-colleague of Owen’s is taking donations for a fund raising cycling trip from London to Paris.

Perez Hilton uploaded a video featuring a phone ‘conversation’ with the estranged father of Lindsay Lohan to YouTube.

This was really more of a press release by the man who spent a portion of Lindsay’s childhood in jail. It’s a press release with plausible deniability if there is any effort to make a civil case related to what was said. I think he may have slipped up when he said “You can quote me.” If he did make actionable statements, he will have to claim it wasn’t even him on the phone if he wishes to avoid liability. He said that his ex-wife is a lying, coke addicted doody head. I am paraphrasing, because he has never said that I could quote him.

There are about 27,000 pages on the internet containing the words explosion and labradoodle.

That has to tell you something.

My band, Labradoodle Explosion, will be releasing our first single on the fifth of November.

On that same date, several babies will be born and several old people will die.

Bad Boy Rapper 50 cent and Canadian Groove Rockers Nickelback are rumored to be teaming up for a Christmas album. In addition there will be a PayPerView concert special and a tour of select cities. Their major sponsor will be Colt 45.

Citing the past successes of the Michael Jackson/Paul Mccartney and Nelly/Phil McGraw team ups, Curtis and Chad are predicting huge revenues from the uncritical moron demographic.

When my computer monitor is the only light left on in the house, bugs inevitably show up on the screen. The ones that don’t smell my nutritious blood and move on tend to stay there for quite awhile. This one has stayed so long that he gets to be a subject of a blog post…

It looks kind of like a Mayfly. It is smaller though and what with it being August, that’s not too likely. There is an open water reservoir next door that is used for watering the vegetables. It is filled with goldfish in order to keep it from getting infested with flies. Nobody has to feed the goldfish as far as I can see.

I recently bought some special edition stamps. They depict some of the masterpieces of bad-ass painter dude Caravaggio. Here is one of his works.

I was going to toss them in with some Christmas presents this year, but I think I might use one of them as postage for mailing the prize for my upcoming contest. Here are the actual stamps.

400 years ago, painters were the Rock Stars.

I grew up on a cattle farm. The farm house and barns are the middle of the cleared land. Back in the days before mechanization, this strategy saved a lot of foot steps and hoof steps. These days, it means that my dad is tasked with the upkeep of a lane way that’s a half a mile long. 30 years ago, it meant I had a long walk to the school bus.

When I wasn’t going to school, I was usually going off in all directions. Most directions required that I manage to get over or under any number of fences and gates meant to keep the cattle where we thought it was best for them to be at any given time. As I got older I had to decide whether a home made gate was sturdy enough for me to climb over or whether it made more sense to open it.

How do people do these pastoral reminiscences? They get so boring after you get rolling…

I’m going to end this stupid post with a quick mention of the exercise yard that we had for the cows that were sentenced to 5 months of confinement during a Canadian winter. We had some big old Hereford cows that liked to scratch their asses on the gates which never lasted for long under this kind of use. The eventual solution was one pole, pretty much a telephone pole. It was was permanently chained to a post at the thickest end and the narrow end nested into the biggest horseshoe you can get that was bolted to the other post. That pole got very smooth from all that butt scratching.

It seems that one universal truth of the Facebook experience is that you come virtually face to face with the people that you knew in high school. I think at least 95% of us had a horrible time in high school and have a few nemeses from that era.

If you haven’t yet gotten yourself on Facebook, I have a modest proposal for your. Design a profile that has the most potential for upsetting those people that were mean to you in high school. I can’t say whether your best tactic is to elicit remorse or jealousy or even shock and awe. You know those awful people better than I do. For the record, I have not lied on my Facebook. I really do live somewhere cool. I really don’t leave the house to go to work every morning.

Seth Godin took a picture of a handmade sign that a Home Depot employee had created in order to avoid having to cut people’s lumber to length for them. The A-list blogger pointed out the travesty of customer service, but missed a much bigger story. The sign that read…

“Attn. Customers:

Saw Not

Working”

…had no spelling mistakes and the penmanship was outstanding. This is a good news story.

Speaking in stilted sentences while working out vigorously on his Bo-Flex, Cuban leader Fidel Castro cast aspersions on the manhood of Perez Hilton. This personal attack is in response to Perez’ announcement that there is going to be an announcement that Castro is dead.

Mreoww!!