Alien Versus Predator, AVP for short, made some money at the box office. $171,181,096 to be exact. I predict that the sequel will not do quite as well. I’m guessing that the budget might have been a little smaller for the ‘requiem’ of the original matchup to ensure a profit. AVP cost $70 Million to make.

There is actually not much that you can do to cut corners on these kind of movies. The leading roles do not require big name actors with big salaries, and lighting is cheap since they are filmed almost entirely in the dark. I have one suggestion, they can cut the CGI bill in half by using a two dimensional animated character as one of the battling creatures…

The new show from the creators of the OC, Gossip Girl, was once destined to be a feature movie starring Lindsay Lohan. I hate to sound like a gossip, but I have heard that she is hard to work with. When the original plans went awry, the OC’s executive producer was approached with the idea of creating a television series around the popular book series.

Episodes of this guilty pleasure air on CW at 9 p.m. EST on Wednesdays.

The video below is me pretending to gossip. No animals were harmed during the making of this video.

Perez Hilton uploaded a video featuring a phone ‘conversation’ with the estranged father of Lindsay Lohan to YouTube.

This was really more of a press release by the man who spent a portion of Lindsay’s childhood in jail. It’s a press release with plausible deniability if there is any effort to make a civil case related to what was said. I think he may have slipped up when he said “You can quote me.” If he did make actionable statements, he will have to claim it wasn’t even him on the phone if he wishes to avoid liability. He said that his ex-wife is a lying, coke addicted doody head. I am paraphrasing, because he has never said that I could quote him.

Speaking in stilted sentences while working out vigorously on his Bo-Flex, Cuban leader Fidel Castro cast aspersions on the manhood of Perez Hilton. This personal attack is in response to Perez’ announcement that there is going to be an announcement that Castro is dead.

Mreoww!!

I have been having some moderate success with another blog of mine and now I am depressed about the pitiful amount of readers that I entertain with this blog. If you are reading this right now, I love you. I really do. But I can’t stand those fickle people who make a decision each and every day NOT to visit TotalDismay.com.

I think that a lot of the people who don’t visit my site tend to check out PerezHilton.com. Those are the people that I should be targeting. At least I would know that the time they spend reading my blog wasn’t eroding the GDP or contributing to child neglect.

So, my plan is to steal readers from Perez Hilton. I am going to do this in a scientific way. I will try adopting one key aspect of Perez Hilton’s blog and measuring it’s effect on traffic. Today I am going to adopt the MS Paint method of making a regular photograph into a substantively changed commentary.

Take 1 fresh New York eatery. Add faked problems in the kitchen. Bake show for 22 minutes or until nearly done. Add paid actors to make the post makeover restaurant look extra busy. Serve with 8-10 advertisements as a garnish.

To quote Gordon Ramsay himself “We have never done anything in a cynical fake way.”

Gordon Ramsay is being sued right now by a New Yorker for allegedly faking problems at the kitchen he was managing.

The people at the restaurant featured below tried to sue him as well:

Source: entertainmentwise

First off, a caveat…I think Sara Silverman is very sexy and Paris Hilton is just barely sexy at all.

This is my personal, superficial taste and their actual personalities do not play a huge role.

As far as judging these two people by their actions, I have a few points to make. Sarah Silverman is vulgar in her performances and she is most probably less vulgar in her everyday life. Paris Hilton is the opposite.

Sarah Silverman provided the voice for a Comedy Central puppet that got into some unusual situations. The link goes to a soundboard. Choose Hadassa Guberman for your character and see what Sarah can say about Oprah without cracking up. She is a professional.

Paris Hilton once tried to make the case that her public persona is pretty much a character and that she is not like that at all. I think she was telling a half truth. She is fake ALL the time, hence, by default, the person we see is her. In her defense, when the cameras aren’t on she is probably much worse.

I didn’t want to look. The View used to be my cue to turn off the television, back when I watched television.

The person working beside me clicked on the most viewed YouTube of the day and we got four ears full of arguing. After our ears were full it just kept coming. Arguing like this is not constructive. I don’t even want to get in to the politics, but I pretty much have to to talk about this. The President’s record was being systematically roasted. Everything that George W. Bush did wrong was spun in a derisive way, some of them with a tinge of satire. They should leave this to real comedians. Someone like Rosie should stop talking and go out on the street with a real call to action if things are as bad as they say. The supposed opposing view on the show is just barely a view at all it’s more like a side. I think they should forget about the pretense of balance if all that is holding it up is that lady. She seems nice when she’s not thrust up as a human shield against the advancing Rosie.

The Kids’ Choice Awards make me feel really old. The two time winner for favorite television actor is someone that I have never heard of. I could use the excuse that I don’t watch television, but with today’s video rich internet even that isn’t an excuse. I wrote this paragraph while still having no idea who Drake Bell is. Now to IMDb…

Ok, he is that kid off of the old Amanda Show. I can understand him being popular with kids. He is going to be 21 this summer.

Steven Spielberg got slimed during the telecast. Funny. Here is a condensed version of the show, expect to see it gone soon.

I didn’t watch the Academy Awards, no TV. But the official Oscar website has one seriously smooth running video player with all the highlights.

Not much about Eddie Murphy. He stormed out after being surprised by his loss. He was absent when his costar won and also when she performed. Eddie, you are a loser.