For a long time now, I have been taking every chance I could find to suggest to my readers that they avoid watching the MOST VIEWED on YouTube. I avoid it as much as possible. The last one I watched was the concert ending montage of home movies of a young Diana Spencer. For the most part the most viewed section of YouTube perpetuates mediocrity.

NoGoodTV is less than mediocre. I want to call them out as being a load’O'crap. They label the majority of their videos as ‘uncensored’… That is total crap. Their videos have to meet the terms of service set out by YouTube, who is owned by Google, who knows ALL about censorship.

Their tactic of putting ‘dirty version’ or ‘uncensored’ on all their videos is about as edgy as ‘You Can’t Do That On Television.’

The saddest part of this is that it works. This crappy television channel type of thing ( I don’t know if there is a TV channel, I don’t watch TV much ) almost always has several videos on the most viewed pages.

It seems only fitting that my freakishly long nipple hair would fall out on the very day that I had made up my mind to pursue a Guinness World Record. Not only is it no longer connected to me, it is irretrievably gone. I blame myself for the most part. I had ’slept in’ as I often do on a Saturday morning. When I remembered that we needed to stock up on fruits and vegetables, I had to shower in a hurry, because the hawker packs up and leaves the square at noon. I must have been a bit more exuberant than usual with the shower scrunchy, because while I was brushing my teeth I noticed that IT was GONE.

And so begins another chapter in my life..a post longest nipple hair in the World chapter.

I have been asked by someone who is very influential to either pursue the World record for longest nipple hair, or pull the damn thing out and forget about it.

I am going to print out the official documents tomorrow, assuming that the hair doesn’t get pulled out while I am sleeping.

Here is a microscopic picture of a hair:

My undeniably record breaking nipple hair could be released from its follicular tether at any time. I have decided that I have to live my life as if I were normal, despite the possibility that a rough sweater, or a robust embrace could end my shot at immortality.

Immortality might be a stretch for this distinction anyway. It would seem that this statistic increases incrementally every time a somewhat hirsute guy reaches his late thirties and decides that he is never going to get famous for anything else.

The first assault on my sensibilities this morning was reading an article about an American who wants to get in the Guinness Book of World records for having the longest nipple hair. The second assault on my sensibilities was finding out that there is already someone on the books. He is an Englishman. I wonder if he had to maintain his hair in its intact state in order to hold onto the distinction.

There is an unexpected twist to this blog post. I have a hair that is longer than either of these.

I am not sure if my health insurance covers the official doctor supervised measuring that the people at Guinness require to verify my tremendous accomplishment. I think it is enough that I know. If I have emotionally scarred anyone for life with this post, I would suggest that you get a qualified professional to measure the scar. Maybe you could be famous too.

Edit:

I was going to do a video blog on this subject but my web cam caused a fatal error on my computer… Anyway, here is a short document. I have to stop pulling this thing or it’s going to break. Then I will just be normal like the rest of you.